Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
