Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
