redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
