I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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