I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
