You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
