We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You left your phone here
Wait...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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