i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
