WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
