Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
she pinky promised me she was 18
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
