this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
