While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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