So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
