Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
