Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
