Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I puked a lego.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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