John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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