so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
