just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
