what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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