I am puke
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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