Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
