The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
