I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
