Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
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