you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
