Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
