So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
