so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Randomize
