that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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