I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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