I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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