She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
