There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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