I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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