Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
