to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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