You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
People in love make me want to vomit
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
