I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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