Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
i've created a new STD.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
