I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
