do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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