Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
