I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
