Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
