Only a mothe r could love this liver
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
