Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
