im having a threesome with these popsicles
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
