We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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