Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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